Limo Science (re-post - orig. 2009)

This is a story from 2009 that I thought was lost... A good friend reminded me of the story and said they still had the original email that I had sent out. 
She was telling the story to one her students, a police officer no less, when he looks over at me and says: "that would be an interesting ticket to write"...

I just wish I had not lost the engineering drawings (thanks bro). They vanished when my computer crashed.


Well as you know, I am driving limo's.  Sometimes you kind of get bored even when driving.  My science project last night was the proper "disposal" of helium filled balloons left over from a wedding.
Okay so I bet you are already thinking of things you can do with them. 

I had dropped off the bride and groom and on the way back to the garage I was trying to figure out what to do with the ten balloons in the back of my 31' stretch Lincoln.
As I figured it, I had some options...

Option 1: When I get back to the garage I can pop them all in the car and dispose of the carcasses. As any self respecting black car limo driver should do. Boring!
Shit man, helium floats! 

Or...
Option 2: This "light bulb coming on" moment happened doing 65 mph at midnight.  Being the prudent scientist I am... I reach through the divider to capture the first unit for my experimental launch, gotta test a theory right?  
Kind of awkward when driving, but doable. 
I open the drivers side window and let 'er rip.  OK that worked but kind of distracting. Got to keep both hands on the wheel and eyes on the road, safety 1st!  
Damn balloons are big as my head, yes my head is that big. All them brains ya know!

I drive a few more boring lonesome miles.

Or...
Option 3: Low and behold another light bulb comes on. Nightlight wattage I might add.  What if I open one window at opposite ends of my 31' custom designed $100K balloon launcher ?  Sounds good to me. The air flow should suck them out.
Right?  

Well you might say I did not take the time for due diligence testing this, this, can you say "brilliant" theory.  Initially I surmised that since I was going forward at 65 mph the airflow would exit the right rear window in a glorious show of balloon freedom!

OK my plan is made and thoroughly thought through or about 1/2 mile/30 seconds worth.  I need to deploy when there is no one around. Not a big problem at this time of night with the highway I am on.  
Aha!  Up ahead I can see about a 1/4 mile stretch of highway that the street lights are all out. No one behind and no one ahead on the other side of the highway. 
Kind of exciting, isn't it! 
So with great anticipation I start my latest adventure.  
I slowly let down the right rear window, everything seems fine. The balloons are just bouncing around, giddy with anticipation of their upcoming freedom. 
And then I lower the drivers side front window...

So my question to you is, which way do you think the balloons decided to go on their maiden voyage?  
Take your time to ponder this.
Again a 31' limo traveling at 65 mph, midnight, 30 degrees outside, 67 degrees inside, helium, black & white balloons, and a dumb ass behind the wheel.....

You got to understand how a limo is made. The back is cool, lots of room, fancy LED lights, a bar and this little 2'X2' "privacy" window hole thingy that allows you to see what is going on, or allows you not to see what is going on in the back. 

Anyway, the drivers compartment is rather small.  Considering me being behind the wheel of the beast and taking up half the space. Okay maybe a little more...
Now add 9 helium filled balloons into the drivers compartment (in less than 2 seconds) traveling at 65 mph, at midnight in a 31' limo. 
Damn that window went down fast...
The first thought that entered my mind was; I would be the lead story on 9 News at 6 am. Heck I bet even FOX would pick it up.
Balloon Boy my ass, that was a wussies attempt at fame!  

Anyway, with my superior driving skills (driving blind, distracted, 65 mph at midnight) I was able to casually?
watch as all 9 balloons exited the drivers front window in an orderly fashion. Black, white, black, white, black, white...
Once my visibility returned. I was able to determine I was still on the road travelling in the right direction still at 65 mph, damn cruise control.  
Next was to check my mirrors (or was it my shorts).  
Did any one witness this wonderful sight? Thank God no one was there to share this wonderful adventure with me, especially a lonely police officer, or my boss....

Remember! What happens in the limo stays in the limo.  Wonder if that applies to what happens when something exits the limo???  Guess I will ponder this for many miles to come...

W

Chauffeur "extraordinaire"