Croquet Mallets...

The inventive mind of a child still blows me away. Bryce loves his big wheels, so much so that he actually wore it out, yes wore it out before breaking it. We replaced it with another one but he will still rides the original with the flat tire. Ever seen a flat plastic tire? Caused by excessive skidding, boys and their toys.
Next mix into riding the big wheels, croquet mallets, yes mallets. Big wheels have holes where the back rest fits into the body, low and behold a croquet mallet handle is a perfect fit, thus the birth of the "croquet cart"... The only problem was the height of the actual mallet (see photo)

So as he rode the big wheel/croquet cart for the first time, guess what the mallets were doing?
Yep you guessed it, smacking him in the back of the head!
First time it happened, he was shocked, definite pain, did he cry? No! I could see him pondering how much the pain was worth in comparison to the fun of riding his big wheel. After laughing (both of us) and putting his helmet on, off he went on another big wheel adventure. Smackity, smackity, smackity he went...

I some how forgot to mention this adventure to mom and Nana, oops!

W

Vehicle evaluator job...

(Originally Posted 2008)

Attached are some images from my vehicle evaluator job (or as we were told to tell the police instead of a test driver) with Toyota, Scion and Mercedes.
In 2008 I was driving a Scion prototype (like moms?) see pic of blue one, and almost became a bumper sticker on a semi.

I was heading west on I-70, very early morning, in snow (we had routes to follow) driving a Scion 4 door 5 speed, we passionately called them toasters cause they were so boxy, sorry Mom.
The Prius was affectionately called the "electric toaster"...
Anyway, coming around a corner at speed there was a semi stopped in my lane, as I put my (size 14) left foot on the clutch, and my right on the brake, rather quickly, my left boot came under the brake pedal (see pic), thus I did not have full braking as the pedal was mashed against my boot. After cleaning out my shorts, finishing my route, I came back to the shop to document my adventure.

Think about Asian people with little itty bitty feet, and us Americans, living in the mountains, BIG BOOTS, tiny pedals, well they just don't mix. That is kind of what I wrote up in my evaluation form, being politically correct mind you. If you want an American to drive your cars in the mountains with boots on, make damn sure the pedals are bigger and farther apart (US spec)...I sent all of my pics into to Toyota with my evaluation, as was my duty.
We also sent them a picture of our suggested hood ornament, never heard back from them...

Long story short.

Fun job, crappy hours, low pay, but got to drive some cool stuff.
Sad to say though the Toyota Mouse hood ornament never made it into production (bastards!)....
Drove two different Scions, a Toyota Highlander, a Prius, and various Mercedes.
On one Mercedes it took me 45 minutes of drive time to figure out how to get the damn radio off of mute, German engineers!

Toyota had us do what were called "static tests", close and open each door 50 times in a row, open and close the glove box 25 times, open and close the windows 50 times, and on and on and on, we had to document each of these static tests.
The Germans, well you know, they already know their shit is good and don't need no stinkin' static tests, just drive the damn thing...
We got some strange looks from people in the McDucks parking lot we used to stop at when we were doing our static tests. If they really started to stare at me I would just start mumbling as I opened and closed a door; "gotta go, gotta stay, gotta go, gotta stay" and then they would usually run away...
Toyota had some of the most worthless crap in cars I have ever seen. In the Highlander they developed a storage box inside the front center console that opened from the rear that would hold the rear seat center armrest. None of us could figure out how the damn thing worked, seriously, they wanted you to remove it and then store it inside the front center console repeatedly during the static test part of the vehicle evaluation, piece of crap...
On another day, one of the Toyota engineers was at the shop trying to show us the proper way to do our static testing. He asked if anyone would show how to demonstrate the open/close door trip, I volunteered, and said, "think about this, a woman has her child in one arm and her bag of groceries in the other, do you really think she is going to close the door with her hand and use the door handle", DUH, she would use her ass, after a good healthy swing of the hips...
I then demonstrated, quite well I might add! 
He just kind of looked at me, oh well the truth is the truth!
I did go through a formal training with the top US Toyota vehicle evaluator, I passed with a score of 89 (of 100) mind you. He was one of very few that are certified to evaluate Toyota's on their test track (in AZ) at over 200 mph, yes 200mph. Nice guy. If he wasn't happily married think of the chick magnet he would be.
Harley has a track in AZ for the same kind of testing. Big Kohona's them boys have....
Anyway Mom, there you go maybe your son helped those engineers, with little itty bitty feet, make a better car!

W

Prototypes

(Originally Posted Oct. 24 2013)

Prototypes' No one every said that was going to happen...

Some of you will remember Bryce & Poppy developing and testing train 1. Well the other day while mom & dad were away Poppy was tasked with taking care of Bryce.
The first train sustained significant damage (heck I never thought it would have made it as long as it did) and had to be scrapped.
The power train (Bryce) and the running gear (long board) were just fine.
So Bryce asks; "can we make another one Poppy"? How can you say no...
So first order of business is the new coachwork (body of the vehicle). Bryce and I rummage through the house no boxes big enough. Ah ha we both keep coming back to those enticing plastic storage containers mom & dad have in the basement, trouble is there full of stuff and we both know that if we empty one and fabricate it into the coachwork for prototype #2, we'll get scrapped...
Off to Target we go, long board in hand. As we are walking in I take note of those bright red plastic grocery carts, hum interesting, looks like if you tore off all the sub frame it would be adaptable to the long board. I ask Bryce what he thinks, he smiles and says yeah! Problem is how to get one legally. So we ask the 16 year old kid pushing carts in if he has any broken ones we can have or buy. He says no, oh well off we go. Bryce keeps asking me if it is ok that he is carrying his long board, I say yeah you are not riding it and we need to find something that will fit it. As we are walking I can not get the red grocery cart out of my mind, it is basically a roll cage, less chance of injury when he crashes, it is streamlined, no wind resistance, perfect!
Anyway, we wonder around for 15 minutes and hit pay dirt. I take the storage containers down, Bryce sits in them to make sure he fits, (yeah some people were lookin' at us, but who cares) then as we find one big enough we try it on the long board, good fit, adaptable (grocery cart, got to get one...) and as we are testing out our top pick one of the guys that works there asks us with a smile on his face; "want a push"? He knew....
I keep coming back to the grocery cart.
Well we pay for our "coachwork" and out to the car we go, of course we have to walk past all those pretty red grocery carts callin' our names... As I get in the car I tell Bryce we have to try one more time, we're going to talk to the man, the manager that is. Back in we go with long board in tow, straight to the grocery carts, I pull one out in the middle of the store, lay it on its side, ask Bryce for the long board (yeah he thinks I am crazy, but he knows what a ride it will be if Poppy scores one) and put the long board up against the bottom of the cart, perfect fit (why are all those people starring at me, it for my grandson you dumb asses...), off to find the manager (surprised security didn't take me "straight to the man"!).
I politely ask the manager (young 20 something guy) if he has any broken carts we can have or buy, got to give him credit he was quick on his toes, bet he never was asked that before. He had a very formal company policy reply, shot down again! Bet he was talking about that question to all his cronies after we left!
As we walk out of the store, heads held low, I mutter to Bryce (between tears) I bet they have one out back that is broke, he looks at me, sadness in his eyes and asks me; "can we go around the back of the store"?? Heck yeah, if there ain't a sign, were going, we're on a mission. Well low and behold we drive around the back of the store and there in the dark, in a corner, is a beautiful red shopping cart with the the under carriage broken off.
OK so this is a long story, but this is the moment, Bryce and I look at each other and, and, and, OK we did the right thing, left it there and I correctly explained to him that we have to shatter our dream because we have to be honest people, he understands.
I think I am going to find out who the CEO is of Target and write them a letter...
Anyway prototype 2 was built in far less time (experience matters), is larger, is more ridged, (though no where near as ridged as those beautiful red grocery carts), more aerodynamic, (though no where near as aerodynamic as those beautiful red grocery carts), and for reasons unknown to the build crew, faster. If you are still reading enjoy, this video is from run 3. You can hear nanna in the background.
P.S. as we are now onto the design of proto 3 (pretty red grocery cart) we are starting to sell sponsorship space on our craft...Interested?

Bryce's New "Train"

(Originally Posted Oct. 6, 2013)

Let the creative juices flow...Bryce said he wanted to make a train (go figure) out of a nice size box his dad had just emptied. He wanted to use his long board as a base (if it has wheels it will work).
When playing with your grand children, the first thing you have to ask yourself is; "are they going to get hurt"? Maybe, so protective gear is mandatory (if you listen carefully you can hear mom saying; "oh my God" as she came outside). Second, is his idea possible? Heck yeah. Third, will he get into trouble with mom & dad? Maybe, have to be prepared to say it was all his idea...Fourth, are we using sharp knives or power tools? Heck yeah.
Now we have to ravage dads garage for supplies, rope, drill & large bit, box knife, one long board, one large box, 3 sturdy cardboard packing reinforcements, eight sprinkler flags and "wah lah" we have a train. (We even had proper sound effects, listen for the clickety clack).
Total cost, lunch from mom.
Entertainment value, priceless. He had more fun riding down the street than could be imagined, well OK I had some fun also. Bryce has an amazing sense of driving, he drove his train at least ten times down the sidewalk and did not crash once, took a little paint off a fire hydrant though... If I could have even gotten into the box, I am sure I would have only rode it 10' before I did the "Laugh In" tricycle routine.
Great way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

Chocolate Milk...

(Originally Posted April 2013)

Ok so I do not profess to be a rocket scientist, but come on, everyone knows where chocolate milk comes from...

Chocolate colored cows in Hershey Pennsylvania eating chocolate flavored grass.
Right?

Well me and my grand daughter (6 years old) got into a serious conversation.
She says that, yes she believed the "myth" that you put brown syrup into white milk, and get chocolate milk. Come on are you serious?
What is the matter with this kid....

No way! The truth is that chocolate colored cows in Hershey Pennsylvania eating chocolate flavored grass produce chocolate milk. Right?

Well in her infinite wisdom she says; "I will search on my I Pad" and types in;

"Dus cholclitmilk cum frum brawncaws

Well the only things that comes up are in German.
So it's my turn to dazzle her with brilliance.
In I go to the "home computer" and google;"where does chocolate milk come from"...
Low and behold, proof positive, yes the internet has spoken!

Not enough for her though, I am heart broken, all Rylee has to say to me is; "that's fiction, Poppy"!
(fiction Poppy, where does she get this stuff)
I plead my case, show her pictures off of the internet (all is true on the internet you know).

So again, feeling brilliant I tell her to ask Nana where chocolate comes from, Nana says; " Hershey Pennsylvania of course". HAH got her, proof positive to my case, Nana has spoken and Nana backed me up, or so I thought (yeah ok so she was really born in Hershey, but had to play the ace in the hole you know...) .
So I come back with more proof (the internet you know)

Yeah OK so she doesn't understand what all that crap is in chocolate milk from a chocolate colored cow, eating chocolate flavored grass in Hershey Pennsylvania, come on really, does she need to know???

I AM NOT GOING TO CONCEDE DEFEAT!
Into the refrigerator I go and out comes more evidence to my case, step aside Darrow, Ironsides I am on the case.

Look chocolate milk = chocolate cow, white milk = white cows  simple right? Get it? (took me 5 tries and 10 minutes to get this incredible shot!).

Then, the apple of my eye is audacious enough to ask Nana and her Mom where chocolate milk comes from....
Shot down in my prime and I was doing so well. I had her for over 20 minutes, yes 20 really.

Grand kids, the reason you had children...

William