Well I have finally started to join the 21st century.
First came the "pager", then a DSL modem and now "KOFU Times" ( a "blog" you say).
Still loathe cell phones, refuse to carry one. Funny how people look at you when you tell them that you do not carry and or have a cell phone. The look is about the same as if you said you had some communicable disease after sneezing.
Some times I wonder if I am the last one?
Anyway, KOFU you ask.
Really didn't take me to long to come up with this. After leading a life of "KOFU" I felt it was time to look to the web to find other worthy KOFU members. After awhile you start to wonder if you are the only one... Then your son in law proves that he is with you in this struggle, struggle called life. You really do not have a choice. Think you do? Start studying the book of Job. I still play with the idea of changing my name legally... But people would say, "are you looking for a job?" no my name is Job...
"KOFU", OK, here it is;
"King of Fuck Ups"
What ever can go wrong, will, there is no doubt to this fact. Your life is a bowl of shit and you just get to keep stirring it around (you have to choose a shovel or a spoon). Always looks the same, always smells the same, you get it, right?
It all started....
We purchased a new car and added the bike rack to the top of it as Marg & I would ride pretty much weekly.
So, as I knew that I could "fuck it up" I wrote a note on cardboard that said "BIKE" in big black letters. Why you ask? Well to prevent me from driving into the garage with the bikes on top of the car, it has been known to happen you see...
For months it worked perfect, every time we got in the car to go riding out came the note "BIKE" and onto the dashboard it went where you could't help but see it. Yeah well OK it seemed like a brilliant plan until the one time in a thousand I decide to back into the garage, just this simple change in our daily pattern resulted in... Yep I backed right into the garage with the bike on top of the car, proceeded to rip it (along with the $400 rack) clean off the top of the car, hell of noise it made, never forget it (just stirring the shit you see). Well after the shock of how stupid I was/am had lifted I got out to assess the damage, amazingly the only real damage was a broken seat and the COMPLETE DESTRUCTION OF A $400 ROOF RACK!
OK so there were a few scratches on top of the car but no one would ever be looking there.
How stupid can one man feel, pretty damn stupid if you ask me, KOFU was born!
Later after discussing the fuck up with my son in law (he had helped me get my $1400 mountain bike) and as soon as he was done laughing his ass off, he said I was very lucky (yeah right) that I did not drive in forward, it probably would have totaled the bike.
What had happened was that the rear tire hit the gutter, pushed the bike down (I have 6" of travel on the rear) skidded along the top of the door opening and "blammo" the seat catches and rips it all off in one fell swoop...
Yeah I know I should look at the positive side of this story of complete and utter failure.
Kiss my ass, please...
When we painted the house I made sure that the "tire skid mark" on the gutter was left alone, always there to remind me...
When did it all start...
What ever can go wrong, will, there is no doubt to this fact. Your life is a bowl of shit and you just get to keep stirring it around (you have to choose a shovel or a spoon). Always looks the same, always smells the same, you get it, right?
It all started....
We purchased a new car and added the bike rack to the top of it as Marg & I would ride pretty much weekly.
So, as I knew that I could "fuck it up" I wrote a note on cardboard that said "BIKE" in big black letters. Why you ask? Well to prevent me from driving into the garage with the bikes on top of the car, it has been known to happen you see...
For months it worked perfect, every time we got in the car to go riding out came the note "BIKE" and onto the dashboard it went where you could't help but see it. Yeah well OK it seemed like a brilliant plan until the one time in a thousand I decide to back into the garage, just this simple change in our daily pattern resulted in... Yep I backed right into the garage with the bike on top of the car, proceeded to rip it (along with the $400 rack) clean off the top of the car, hell of noise it made, never forget it (just stirring the shit you see). Well after the shock of how stupid I was/am had lifted I got out to assess the damage, amazingly the only real damage was a broken seat and the COMPLETE DESTRUCTION OF A $400 ROOF RACK!
OK so there were a few scratches on top of the car but no one would ever be looking there.
How stupid can one man feel, pretty damn stupid if you ask me, KOFU was born!
Later after discussing the fuck up with my son in law (he had helped me get my $1400 mountain bike) and as soon as he was done laughing his ass off, he said I was very lucky (yeah right) that I did not drive in forward, it probably would have totaled the bike.
What had happened was that the rear tire hit the gutter, pushed the bike down (I have 6" of travel on the rear) skidded along the top of the door opening and "blammo" the seat catches and rips it all off in one fell swoop...
Yeah I know I should look at the positive side of this story of complete and utter failure.
Kiss my ass, please...
When we painted the house I made sure that the "tire skid mark" on the gutter was left alone, always there to remind me...
When did it all start...
how can it start anywhere but at birth? You have no choice as to if you "WANT" to be born. Why can't God let you see a "preview" of your up and coming life first? Then you can say, "yea" or "nay" before it all starts. I would have liked to have been able to see a percentage of the "good" days to the "bad" days. If it wasn't at least 70 % or better I think I would have to re-think this "birth" thing, of course it also depends on how long this gift of life will be. 70-80 years of stirring the shit? I don't know if I would be in for it, long haul and all that stuff.
Don't get me wrong there are good days.
self: are you sure?
self: when was the last one?
self: last what?
self: good day you idiot?
self: oh yea, lets see...
As acting president of this up & coming not for profit organization (yes there will be more on this later). I envision other "worthy" members joining the ranks to form a support group for us poor KOFU life long members that did not realize there is someone more f*#ked up than me. There has to be more, please tell me there is? Or am I just going to be telling my story to myself, so I can feel better about myself???? I am tired of laughing at the insanity of my life!
As acting president of this up & coming not for profit organization (yes there will be more on this later). I envision other "worthy" members joining the ranks to form a support group for us poor KOFU life long members that did not realize there is someone more f*#ked up than me. There has to be more, please tell me there is? Or am I just going to be telling my story to myself, so I can feel better about myself???? I am tired of laughing at the insanity of my life!
